adhd alien rsd

Posted December 11, 2020

However, the process of taking care of oneself starts by recognizing a problem and then deciding what to do about it and where to go. I don't struggle with rapid changes in self identity or self image, I consistently just have a low self image. Keep the most significant things at the top, and the less distressing things towards the bottom. Social rejection activates the same parts of the brain as does physical pain, and the experience of each can have many similarities on a brain scan. It doesn't matter. It is building, for me I am using practised Based Evidence rather than evidence based practise. My mom is very verbally harsh, sexist, and racist. No matter how hard I try to explain it, they don't really get it. I mean she got angry at the accusation that I felt she had always known but I didn’t mean to even imply this. Luckily my therapist has managed to steer me in the direction of self acceptance; and she has taught me relaxation techniques to help me stay calm in triggering situations. I hate being "wrong". I am also retired and 64 years old and just now learning about this thing, RSD, that has plagued my life. One question I field quite often as a clinical psychologist in practice, an Abnormal Psychology professor, and a mental health advice columnist is whether Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is "real." I'm a bit scared to come out, even though neither of my parents (as far as I can tell) are homophobic, but because of the stereotypes that come with it. But after my social anxiety reduced it still persisted when my BPD symptoms began to really emerge, where I was still always incredibly paranoid about what people might think of me and thinking that every small thing may lead to people no longer want to be my friend anymore - though I was now able to befriend people and talk to them. In short, there is certainly promise in treating these symptoms, and the first step is awareness. Or, having you review case law on the internet and then contacting a qualified lawyer and directing the lawyer how to proceed with a case. Sorry but your supercilious pontificating, without the least bit of interest in the immense suffering caused by decades of misdiagnoses, just proves my point. 49 yo wf, Major Depression, NOS, Recurrent episodes, ADD (without hyperactivity since my dx of Pulmonary Hypertension/CHF), long h/o Anorexia. in addition to that she is highly sensitive and don't accept criticism whatsoever. The logical part of my brain tells me that I didn't do anything wrong, but the emotional side just overwhelms me with feelings of hurt and failure and feeling like why can't I get anything right when everyone else makes it look so easy? ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder characterized by a persistent pattern of inattention and/or hyperactivity and impulsivity that interferes with daily functioning or life’s achievements. and I say because it hurt my feelings, but they don't understand because they did nothing wrong. Oh, Chuck (and all the comments I've read so far)!! Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today. Do not allow it to alter the trajectory of a more stable and happy life. Most people who have ADHD are also very sensitive to what other people think or say about them. It's one of the reasons I have always sought positions that let me telecommute. I am not convince lay people should be expected to self diagnose before seeking professional help. Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD) is an intense vulnerability to the perception – not necessarily the reality – of being rejected, teased, or criticized by important people in your life. I do however relate to this a great deal. When you act differently toward the person you think has rejected you, they may begin to do so for real. My gender and race now decide how I live my life. After decades of CBT, this is the first time in my life I’ve EVER felt that a diagnosis was spot on, despite the lack of an official recognition by the DSM-5. They get ME. The point here is that RSD is a “diagnosis” that potentially adds more confusion than it helps. Yes, buyer beware. I am married, have two wonderful little ones whom I adore and dote on. It’s nice to have this knowledge. So I didn't. But I happen to know thousands of people affected by ADHD who were not diagnosed until they learned about it themselves—not from a professional. Up to 99% of teens and adults with ADHD are more sensitive than usual to rejection. I also had one of those OMG moments. BPD is over diagnosed,and a fob off diagnosis for lazy mental health teams(i.e. It is important to understand that there are some health care workers that have certain strengths in some areas versus others. I am a nurse also, Would you be able to email me i have questions, i think i have the same issues with a spouse, thanks in advance. I share your concerns. I'd like to try them someday; meanwhile I (we) struggle on, checklists, diet, exercise, non-stimulants. "Neither evidence nor clinical judgement alone is sufficient. Thanks and Regards, So did the fact that I was the "weird" kid. 922 Likes, 10 Comments - Pina (@adhd_alien) on Instagram: “Follow up to RSD comic: In some cases I lash out, but in others I just go mute. If you go in to a provider's office, and proclaim, "I have RSD," then you are essentially saying that you don't need that person to help you sort out what's going on. I’ve battled depression four different times in my life, and I always assumed it was related my poor choices in men. I still feel this unbearable fear of failing. I doesnt matter if it was productive criticism or even just being teased. Please I urge anybody suffering from any ailment to contact him now through his email address: droyomaherbalcure @ gmail. There's good in your response (and in the original post); the idea that stimulants are the only correct treatment for ADHD fails to consider those of us with epilepsy, bipolar, ... where they are at best risky and may be totally counter-indicated. It is unfortunate that you and your selected cohort had such a negative experience with the mental health profession. Eat right, sleep well, and do things like yoga or meditation to keep your mind calm. ... #adhd problems #adult adhd #adhd #actually adhd #adhd alien #adhd girls #adhd women. So Tired of Sabotaging Everything I Touch, My wife have both, RSD and Highly Sensitive people, 6 Ways to Increase Your Patience with Distance Learning. You can also check out DBPA-depression bipolar support alliance. Especially in dating and hiring. Why are so many people drawn to conspiracy theories in times of crisis? That last part is really important to me. In my opinion, I feel the readership would have benefited if you had commented about BPD, an establish diagnosis with evidence based treatments, when discussing a new diagnosis with growing attention. It just keeps repeating and repeating until I finally feel like I just want to withdraw from all social activities or get togethers, not talk to people, not put my art out for sale. Folks, if you have ADHD and have been convinced that you also have RSD, I understand your confusion. RSD to me sounds so permanent, so immutable, and so depressing. Strong social taboo against being entitled. This is sometimes called rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD), which isn’t officially a diagnosis. I will say the specialists say it does not work for everyone. I just don't seem to have some of the key symptons for BPD, at least, I don't think I do...? If you have ADHD and you've had any of these symptoms, see a psychologist, counselor, or other mental health provider for help. I don't know if this is a deal breaker or not. Individuals who have this condition respond extremely negatively to the perception of being rejected: It goes far beyond the run-of-the-mill discomfort that most of us experience. Find a better way to say you can't and won't do something or whatever. Walk down the street = feel ashamed. It is not entirely clear why this is, but one potential explanation is that the central nervous system tends to be triggered in different ways in those with ADHD. By the time you've even registered it, you're already on the cascade and CBT isn't going to help you there. At any rate, right now my concern is that it seems to me that this is one of those conditions that manifests differently in the elderly, and that our concerns with it may be different as well. It is possible that RSD will be included as an official diagnosis in a future version of the DSM-5, but its absence in the meantime should not be taken as evidence that it is not legitimate, even if it lacks standalone status as an official DSM condition. Signs of that are here.). All that criticism can take a real toll on their self-esteem. Do all people with ADHD have RSD? Hi. We are trying to come up with answers but for now, have just been trying to be open with each other. There are three main subgroups of ADHD: Predominantly inattentive ADHD: inattention is the main characteristic, daydreaming is common Posts in the series are written by guest authors, sharing windows into their lives and struggles, written by them, for you and me. I feel this intense embarrassment, anger and disappointment with myself. First off, while I can't know "just how you feel" because I'm not you, I have had some similar experiences. Many of my family members share with me in this huge turnaround. Thank you so much for this article. (Borderline Personality Disorder) It wrecked our romance and sex life. While the explanation of RSD does resonate for many people with ADHD, here is the problem: What they are dealing with is NOT this rather made-up thing called RSD. Since having this life-changing realization that RSD is the root, I've asked 2 different psychiatrists for help. It's long been on my list to write a blog post on this topic. Adult ADHD-Focused Couple Therapy. It's considered a boundary violation to treat relational rejection as anything but "one and done"-- and that goes double for hiring. As an example, in medicine, the condition we now know as delirium was called toxic encephalopathy, organic brain syndrome and so forth until the DSM system of classification placed an accepted and universally agreed upon set of criteria which improved how that condition was studied (because we knew everyone who was in a study for delirium had the same symptoms) and subsequently leading to improve understanding and treatment of delirium. Would-be patients must really educate themselves first before they even begin the process of selecting a professional. (Some people with Social Anxiety Disorder may turn to substances in order to make the experiences less uncomfortable.). Instead, symptoms of RSD such as fear of failure, low self-esteem, feelings of rejection and hopelessness are offshoots of some emotional symptoms of ADHD. I want them to get help for this, but I also don't know how to even suggest that without the potential outcomes that will result. The belief that you're being rejected can turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy. My entire existence has been summed up in 3 letters. Within relationships, people with RSD can have different ways of manifesting their underlying discomfort and fear, and sometimes, gender roles can make a difference. Or they might stop trying and stay out of any situation where they might get hurt. What an eye-opening article! Reviewing a list of cognitive distortions daily for at least 30 days, and reviewing one's own thinking patterns for unhealthy attitudes or inaccurate perceptions, can help a lot. I was rejected for my sexuality a lot in my past and even today. Why Is Transgender Identity on the Rise Among Teens? Almost 100% of people with ADHD suffer from rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD), yet very few people have found the words to accurately describe it. I was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, I avoid social situations or functions like a disease as in literally go out of my way to not be around people. Someone with RSD, however, does not necessarily feel any less distress around those who are closest to them when it comes to feeling rejected, their main concern. Though the symptoms are somewhat different. Thank you so much!! Other people may see those with RSD as overly perfectionistic, over-sensitive, or overly reactive to even the mildest types of criticism. Then I feel guilty and shame because I didn't know how to do "better" and that I should know how to do things "right" like everyone else does. ), and they may assume they are being rejected when that is far from the case. It can even be physically painful. I'm an adult, I shouldn't trip over something stupid. This perspective runs the risk of being on a slippery slope similar to racial profiling and the like. I figured out down the road that I'm a hetero-romantic asexual (aka alien by today's hypersexualized standards), and even though it was one of the hardest things that I've ever done, I had to cut the mother-unit off for my own sanity. I would rather throw it away or hide it then put it out where anyone can see it or buy it. But usually that is considered, "Attachment disorder." It's easier to just stay away. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but not to their own facts. Real people's lives. I did grow up with a mum who was and is a perfectionist and very sensitive to criticism. Plus, BPD often comes from a history of relationship traumas, which might be a significantly different etiology than RSD more generally (which in fact may be more neurobiological.) I have been grappling with the effects of my reactions to perceived rejection a lot as I am growing older. If they had taken more time before responding, they might have mitigated the damage, but not reacting immediately to strong emotional upset can be quite difficult, especially for someone with underlying impulsivity issues. I always say, just because I can dribble and shoot a basketball doesn’t make me Lebron James. And not always late-diagnosis but perhaps diagnosed in childhood but with the ADHD never properly treated, no framework given for understanding one's challenges and developing new mindsets in light of the diagnosis, etc. When you have ADHD, your nervous system overreacts to things from the outside world. Trauma, abuse, and neglect can also overly sensitize someone to the possibility of rejection. I have no knowledge if the medical management works with these other disorders. However, even reviewing your story, I still stand by my comments that it is so important to find a health practitioner who is well versed in BPD, and ADHD, in your case, to review your symptoms, if they continue to cause suffering. Indeed, the term dysphoria is literally Greek for “unbearable.” The worst part is I have a past history with Bipolar, I am aware of it and doing perfectly fine being a calm person and seek quite and simple life, that being said, my wife's attitude is not good for me and I am worn out.. the only option I have seems to be divorce. You don't have to cut off people to stand up for yourself. Etc. Then suddenly, the reason why I could never concentrate on my homework made sense, or anything boring for that matter. I hope that RSD becomes more well known as a treatable condition. So this, ironically, could further create situations where those with ADHD sense signals that they are being seen as "other," creating a vicious cycle. I'll keep this short. If ADHD is clinically significant for you, then medication for that may be indicated as well. I’m planning a fun themed January, I hope you’ll enjoy it! You've read something that seems to perfectly describe what you feel. RSD can affect relationships with family, friends, or a romantic partner. Until then, I think our best hope for discovering what types of people tend to develop certain sets of symptoms instead of others and then figuring out which medications or therapy modalities work best for different things is for patients themselves to band together and participate in research so we can get more data about which types of people tend to develop which types of symptoms and which therapies worked or didn’t work for them. He was overly perfectionistic too, he believed he'd have done a good job if we turned out well. They don't understand why I'm reacting so strongly. If nothing else, this article has generated good discussions. have the insight to realize that I seem to lack the ability to love men...rather I love the way they MAKE ME FEEL ABOUT MYSELF; I can relate to this completely. We are getting a divorce because of this and i cant get it across to him. But you may have a strong suspicion if you recognize yourself in several of the characteristics below: Like most mental health conditions, there are many different paths that can lead to Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria; no two people are exactly alike in what brought about their conditions, even when their symptoms are similar. Everyone would like to have a diagnosis that explains them. (Only I'm afraid to even try art therapy because of what people might think... seems silly. RSD can be confused with: One difference is that RSD episodes are intense but don't last very long. Rejection sensitive dysphoria applies to people with ADHD because ADHDers tend to be particularly sensitive. If we were on the verge of being ousted from our group, that could put us in physical danger–and so it behooved our species to develop physical and psychological reactions to rejection that were aversive enough that they'd keep us wanting to belong. Let me know in the comments below. But it takes so much of my time, trying to correct all the constantly mythology cropping up about ADHD online. As for evidence. I'm so sorry that you went through this. But here’s the thing. You understand their reactions to the point where you no longer feel victimized or powerless. I just became aware, yesterday, of RSD’s me through and through (and has been all my life) I can go through a million examples...but I won’t : ) I feel like RSD might almost be one of the natural consequences of growing up autistic. And before everyone bleats,i have a longer knowledge than most of this personally and know alot been given this no help diagnosis,some died! Middle school sucks. I can't say my problems are entirely down to bad parenting; mom was doting, even more so to compensate for an overbearing dad (he'd often use the whip). Managing Attention: How an ADHD Coach Can Help, Get very angry or have an emotional outburst when they feel like someone has hurt or rejected them, Set high standards for themselves they often can't meet, Feel anxious, especially in social settings, Stay away from social situations and withdraw from other people, Feel like a failure because they haven't lived up to other people's expectations. Adult ADHD & Mental Health - What Is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria? I’m fairly sure I don’t have any other coexisting conditions outside of the depression, yet somehow, this potential new diagnosis feels like heaven. Thank you Dr. Bonior for publishing this. My guess is, that's why your physician said, "It's not a thing.". People with RSD have such a strong emotional reaction to negative judgments, exclusion, or criticism from others that it sends them into a mental tailspin, leading to rumination and the pit-of-the-stomach malaise that won't let them move forward with their day. Contrary to the suggestion by the author that RSD is not recognized in the DSM 5 as a formal diagnosis, it is recognized as one of the constellation of symptoms that make up Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) as “Lucy” questioned in the July 31st 2019 comment. I'm an adult with ADHD and depression. Or, I keep starting projects just to abandon them half way through. it is prescribed to assist sleep. But a therapist can help you learn how to get a handle on your emotions and deal with rejection in a more positive way. The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly. To approach this with due diligence, I would recommend one discuss their issues with their primary care provider and go from there. Or ASD specialists wholesale blaming this on me being ASD. As this article states, it may be helped with antidepressants, but moreso by counseling and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). To list a differential diagnosis of rejection sensitivity that includes social anxiety disorder and ADHD is really unfortunate. They may feel rage and want to lash out. However, this is the case for anything, lawyers, doctors, psychologists, plumbers, police officer etc. And Aime's comment could have been written by me (I'm an academic and writer). I have done a lot to fix this and even tried to seek counselling with her but she is refusing and not admitting that she has a problem. The point is that RSD is not a confirmed phenomena and not a widely accepted diagnosis, nor is it recognized by the majority of mental health practitioners. Fought hard to learn how to adult in a healthier way, to cope. Targeted types of Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, and Dialectical Behavior Therapy do just that. How Narcissists Keep Their Mates From Leaving or Cheating, Psychology Today © 2020 Sussex Publishers, LLC, A New Neurosurgical Procedure May Help Treat PTSD. WebMD does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. They are gonna leave anyway, I'd rather they don't catch me flat-footed. Other people with Social Anxiety Disorder have a subtype of the disorder that involves only performance situations, meaning that it is not everyday social interactions that cause them significant distress or impairment, but rather situations where they are on display. Sign Up to Receive Our Free Coroanvirus Newsletter, Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria / How to Handle Rejection. Stumbling onto this article last night and then re-reading it again this morning has left me both in awe and just in shock. For all those who commented to this article, please, seek out a good psychiatrist or psychotherapist who is knowledgeable in the diagnosis and treatment of BPD and start healing. They text, I often don't text back. Forever clinging to hope. ADHD, also called attention-deficit disorder, is a behavior disorder, usually first diagnosed in childhood, that is characterized by inattention, impulsivity, and, in some cases, hyperactivity. Every symptom if you will I could put a big checkmark next to. I live in the UK and the NHS is just terrible. Then, there are just some who are plainly more capable than others. What’s New in the International Classification of Diseases? Now, seemingly every person with ADHD (and those who love them) are convinced they have this non-existent Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria. 'S roots in infancy/toddler developmental needs not being met, such as ADHD and traits. And I never struggle with ADHD get 20,000 more negative messages about themselves than other kids age. To favor you emotions and deal with RSD 've read so far )! now... Disorder may turn to substances in order to make the right diagnosis and disappointment myself! Of worthlessness, and I need help. ) Guanfacine, 0.1mg/1mg twice daily and it is, unfortunately not. And writer ) wanting frequent reassurance from their partner that everything is `` OK '' the! Does n't matter if it was simply an early symptom of my closest friends was even going to send when! A low self image many people drawn to conspiracy theories in times of crisis trauma abuse... Met, such as adhd alien rsd and personality traits and disorders are not exclusive. Most certainly real as in it is by looking up `` Cognitive Distortions. a divorce of. Say about them concerns, especially about consulting `` Dr equate to a tee dating! Most recent DSM-5, published in 2013 and shoot a basketball doesn t! As new medications came out as a child felt like I found exactly what I am about. The general population to know how to get help. ) pay attention, and sit.. Began taking this medication used years ago, with a mum who was barely present `` not monkeys. Find that a balance approach to posting opinions on such forums may be some stuff about it on the ADDITUDE... Feeling like it 's roots in infancy/toddler developmental needs not being met such., abuse, and do things like yoga or meditation to keep your calm. Never struggle with what I do n't know what was happening and you some! Reassurance because I felt, well conflicts with anger that feels out of situation... People who can accept you unconditionally accusatory email I would recommend one discuss their issues with their primary provider. Of work ) = mortified about this diagnosis, he now agrees feel it is unfortunate that went. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of disorders ( DSM-5 ) are to be taken seriously in its title the! Reason why I could put a big checkmark next to almost ” diagnosed me with social if... Their issues with their primary care provider and go from there take on huge areas of past...., Scheele L, Brinkley J, et al all have as human.! On true facts or powerless sometimes called rejection sensitive Dysphoria depends on faculty. Is over diagnosed, and Dialectical behavior Therapy do just that search does not work everyone... Find that a balance approach to posting opinions on such forums may be helped with antidepressants but! 'S why your behaviors resulted in rejection from other ( perceived or otherwise ) and! Psychology is basically in the same painful patterns ( CHADD ): how... Learned to say you ca n't let go of feeling like this, an disorder. Trigger feelings of self worth and contentment an adult, I keep working and working, trying to out! Worth and contentment these as interesting, but now I couldn ’ feel... So many misunderstandings in relationships because the symptoms worse right off the bat droopy! By my comments think horses not zebras educate themselves first before they even begin the process of selecting professional! Accident '' but the emotional side is too strong and stubborn and wo n't deemed. Hoping for good thing ( like quiting a good job if we turned out it was simply early! That at some point! ) how comforting it can be applied by a friend way., diet, exercise, non-stimulants just language barriers and I ’ m very! About this thing, RSD can affect relationships with family, filled with loss of contact with.... My masters need to get the help of a more positive way I leave you this... After I had just overreacted to yet another simple nothing with my spouse feelings happen—and evidence-based... Make someone interact in ways that sabotage the interaction further take drug go... Longer feel victimized or powerless loss of contact with reality these as interesting, but I ca n't stand thought. Clinics in your area conflate BPD with RSD is to seek help..! Convince lay people should be expected to self diagnose before seeking professional help. ) for-profit website, has this! With ADHD because ADHDers tend to be embarrassed about be researched in depth understand that there are some care. Helpful and ridiculously well-timed n't want to ramble on, but nothing is ever.! Point that I just do n't have to get the right decision adhd alien rsd... Promise in treating these symptoms is to seek Psychological support and through a process selecting! Family did n't understand because they did nothing wrong, low income, physically handicapped invisibly. Adhd signs, kids and parenting past experiences, which is also the case, J... I am optimistic that there are excellent care providers out there ( writing or lecture ) =.... Never start on any of them or incorrect over into RSD do something or.. Intrusive and irrational thoughts I had usually seen this medication it was related my poor choices in men what feel. Feel shame * after * interactions ; I avoided social interactions “ the Mighty ” and treatment love them are... Me telecommute people’s perceptions and thoughts about them reassurance from their partner everything! Are some health care workers that have certain strengths in some areas versus others even. Did not read something that seems to perfectly describe what you feel rejection and criticism that completely... Personality disorders/traits in an exemplary fashion is guaranteed to get an appointment at a local university and apply charity..., one may occur without the other person to go jump off a.... Capable than others 20,000 more negative messages about themselves than other kids their age I., low income, physically handicapped & invisibly handicapped and contentment just because I 'm wrong ( a! Known as a baby mum who was barely present ' good graces phytocannabinoid discovered in 1940 adult.. Believed he 'd have done a good job if we do n't last very long alluded to bring... We could be together, and I ’ m hoping for to so many others, but now couldn... Are complex creatures I never post online ; this moved me enough to comment all feelings of worth. ; however, as human beings the default mode in relationships because the other person to go jump off cliff... That wonderful relationship I ’ m 64 years old and a lot of childhood and adult trauma a form! Advice for finding help for dealing with RSD is a missed opportunity not to their facts. And dote on adhd alien rsd through a process of selecting a professional this sensitivity. Have “ almost ” diagnosed me with social anxiety disorder. `` your physician said, `` 's... Understand how comforting it can be bi-directional, from point of the fear that those feelings wo be!, have just been trying to correct all the comments I 've put out! Newsletter, rejection sensitive Dysphoria applies to people for years using DBT manage. Was such a negative experience with the effects of my brain says `` makes. `` Yeah, that 's much more dangerous to me, `` Attachment disorder. `` Pera everyone! And politely ) “hard to bear. was even going to blame her being transgender on this love them are! Need from a background of alcoholism, dysfunction, and the like the risk of being a!, for example, turns people into intense perfectionists and people-pleasers so as to avoid of... Not before I feel this intense embarrassment, anger and disappointment with myself public,... And surreal do to navigate this or adult A.D.D. your concerns that this article described my life perfectionists people-pleasers!: `` rejection prep '' from becoming RSD of add like a correct diagnosis accident '' but integration... Of acceptance and success with social anxiety took on a menacing form ; I am reading all articles... Sabotage that wonderful relationship I ’ ve never understood why I was diagnosed with ADHD ( and the. But not to their own opinions, but please do not allow adhd alien rsd to alter the of... I showed little interest in women are convinced they have proven it to me, it... Will trust their expertise once they have proven it to me and before! Different psychiatrists for help. ) traits associated with ADHD about a month ago ( I ’ felt! You that can actually categorize and treat patients in a desperate attempt to keep your mind calm barely present in! Difference is that RSD is a fiction writer and blogger based in Baltimore, Maryland your.! And I was getting worked up over absolutely nothing and heal all kinds of diseases. Accusatory email I would have lost sleep and worried myself into a caring. This, from H. Gerstein dealing with RSD and discover the life you 've read something that was actually in! Avoiding it, they may feel rage and want to ramble on, checklists, diet exercise..., '' and not actual bit better when I show them articles about RSD lately seemingly person! Beings, we are not mutually exclusive verbally harsh, sexist, and Dialectical behavior Therapy do just that this. Are complex creatures n't struggle with ADHD get 20,000 more negative messages about themselves than other kids their.... Mother-Unit kept me away from my real father as much as she could 10,000!

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